The Way I Was
by joeforever
Summary: Joe is kidnapped. Eight years later he returns to a family who doesn't remember him. How will he deal?


The funeral had been most depressing, no matter how hard the Cartwright's tried they couldn't control there emotions with Joe gone it didn't even matter at all. After three years of searching Adam and Hoss were convinced that there was no chance of a miracle, it was time to face the facts Joe was gone.

Joe didn't like school at all; it wasn't that he didn't understand his assignments, he just though that he had better things to do with his time. This was the cause of the constant pain on his backside. 10 year old Joe had decided to go fishing instead of go to boring old school. The sun was out and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. How could he be expected to go sit in a murky old class room hidden from the beautiful wide open spaces? Lost in though Joe began to get sleepy, slowly he got undressed, being extra careful with his pants, and slipped into a nightshirt. It took a while but no to long later Joe was peacefully sleeping on his stomach, already in a world of dreams.

Morning came all too soon and Joe found himself slumped over a cold plate of eggs. He shifted in his seat uncomfortably as his father focus his gaze on his youngest son.

"Joe I expect to see you right after school, don't be late I want you to get an early start on those chores since you will have a few extras to fit in before you begin your homework. No messing around straight home. Understood?" Ben kept his youngest under a close eye, waiting for an answer.

"Yes sir." Joe mumbled

"And stop playing with you food, hurry and finish up I want to be early to school."

"Yes sir." Joe replied automatically. He took a few bites of cold egg then stood up to saddle Cochise.

Unknown to Ben this was the last time he would see his young mischievous son.

Joe had been riding along slowly to avoid getting to school all too quick. At least he could enjoy the autumn breeze for even a short while. A bit up the road Joe could make out a few men just sitting there on their horses. Joe picked up his pace a bit to find out who they were.

"Hello young man.What's your name?" asked a man wearing a red shirt.

"Howdy, I'm Joe, Joe Cartwright." Joe replied smiling, he had stumbled on to a distraction keeping him from school even longer.

"Ah just who we're looking for." said the man wearing red.

"You were looking for me?" Joe asked pointing to himself he was surprised, he didn't know these men, so how could they know him? Suddenly and idea hit him.

"Do you know my Pa Ben Cartwright?" he asked the man.

"Yes I do. In fact that is just what I wanted to speak to you about. You see a long time ago your father murdered my two brothers, just cold blooded murder." He said focusing on the word murdered.

Joe's smile faded at once, "You're not telling the truth my Pa never killed anyone."

"Well I think he did." said the man in the red shirt, and with that Joe was hit over the head with the mans gun.

Joe was caught off guard and quickly descended into unconsciousness.

Many people had attended the sad event. Everyone knew how protective Ben was to his youngest son, and couldn't even begin to imagine the amount of pain the was going through. It was hard enough on Ben that his son was dead, but the fact that there was no body to place in the casket. Ben was not alone though, Adam and Hoss were experiencing the same emotions.

Hoss and Joe were like salt and pepper, were ever one was so was the other. Hoss had cried everyday since the disappearance of Little Joe. His life would never be the same, without his trouble making brother. Hoss and Joe had gotten in more trouble in their short lives than many people do in a life time. Hoss' big blue eyes that were once filled with happiness and kindness were now sorrowful and lifeless.

He didn't know if life was worth living any more.

Although Adam did not cry everyday he had cried very often through out his brothers missing. When ever he saw something that brought back memories of the green eyed curly haired boy he sometimes just couldn't contain himself. Even though he might not have shown it as much as the rest of the family he loved Little Joe more than he could explain. The saddest thing to Adam though was that Joe was just a child, his funeral was taking place when he was only 13. Adam could not watch him grow up, make mistakes, and learn from them. He was gone...forever. At least in his eyes.

5 Years after the funeral

Joe Cartwright lay face down on the ground his hair fell all over the place the curls had been growing for eight years now. His body, covered only with a ragged pare of pants, shivered. The pants were way too big for his starved body. He looked like a 15 year old deprived of food. Half of that was true, he was deprived of food, in reality he was eighteen, but he didn't know that. He had been kept prisoner in that dark cellar so long that he hadn't even bothered to count the years anymore, he knew no body was coming for him.

He didn't blame his family, he knew he had been missing for many years, they probably thought he was dead and gone. Joe's hopes of being rescued were about the same as his hopes of being fed a five course meal, foolish and hopeless. Joe knew if he was getting out of that place it would have to be done by him, although he didn't see how is could be done. By know he knew all the men that were his enemies, there were five so he couldn't fight his way out. Besides Tim was too clever for any mischief to go on without his knowledge of it.

Tim Withers was a crazy man who had come to believe that Ben Cartwright had murdered his brothers Ted and Bill, when in reality Ben was just using self defense against the two outlaws. Tim was defiantly one to hold a grudge and now he could finally release all his anger, and on Little Joe.

Joe didn't know how many time's he had been beaten, again there were too many to count, but it wasn't the beatings he was afraid of it was Tim's other ways of pain that scared him. Joe lay in thought remembering all the evil things that had happened to him over the years, he was in so much pain at times that he didn't care about living anymore. But after some of the pain receded he was back to his old plan again never giving up.

Joe had learned it was better to be embarrassed, or give in to the orders than to upset Tim. Tim had a quick temper if he lost it Joe was in big trouble. Joe had been, whipped, burned, cut, shot, dragged, and through many other form of punishment just for the pure enjoyment of Tim.

It had been three days since his last beating and Joe felt it was either now or never. Since he had first came to this shack in the middle of nowhere far from any town in Mexico Joe had been weak, even now as he prepared for his escape he was weak, but this was a good as it got, he wasn't bleeding and that was enough to prove he was safe for the trip. It was night and he could hear the men snoring loudly, "Now's the time Joe." He whispered silently to himself. He slowly and quietly began to remove the chains; he had studied them long enough to figure out how they opened. First his writs then his ankles.

Joe's wrists were red and scabbed; he knew that they, along with his ankles, were infected. Once freed he made way up the stairs he knew which boards squeaked and was careful to step over these to keep his departure a secret. The door was only feet away. Silently he walked to the door and opened it feeling a cold gust of wind blow in. He didn't know that it was winter. His risen hopes were once again shattered. How could he survive in the cold?

After years of mourning the Cartwrights finally realized that they had to let go of the past and grasp the future. Joe was gone that's just the way it was. Adam had taken over the ranch for a few years while his father was in a state of serious depression. Dr. Martin had been a usual guest at the Cartwright home to check up on Ben.

It was so hard for Paul Martin to see his old friend so detached from life. Finally after years of therapy and tears Ben was back to running the ranch, with Adam at his right side. Hoss was in charge of all the cattle dealing, and although the sadness would always be trapped in his sky blue eyes his life had moved on, he would never forget Joe but he was just the past now, he was gone...forever.

"Hey Adam you be sure in pick out one of them real fancy tree's for Christmas." Hoss exclaimed as Adam left to collect a tree for the holiday. There was only about a week left until Christmas.

Lucky for Joe Cochise was in the small barn. Joe heard a noise coming from the house. With the speed of light Joe Saddled his trusty horse, jumped on, and rode off into the white night. His breathing was fierce and quick it wasn't for hours until he finally relaxed.

He was free! His run had turned into a slow trot. Only about an hour left until sun up. The time passed slowly but finally when Joe felt he would die of exhaustion and freeze to death he saw the sun peak over the land announcing the arrival of morning.

After riding for a while longer Joe saw the outline of a small town. His body was shaking like a leaf and his lips were pale blue. Upon his arrival into town he was greeted by unfriendly stares. A young girl saw Joe riding in wearing practically nothing freezing and at once her heart went out to him. At first glance she thought he was a woman because of his long hair, but once he came into clear sight she realized, with a blush, that he was a man.

"Mama I'll be back in a moment." she said as she started to walk towards the poor boy. A few men followed her as well to see who this unknown was. As soon as the small group of people had made their was to Cochise, Joe fell of his horse falling into the arms of a strong middle aged man.

"This boy needs the doctor!" he exclaimed in Spanish. The man rushed to the Doctors office with Joe in his arms.

When Joe woke up he found himself warm and comfortable. He was laying in a bed piled up high with blankets and quilts of all sorts. He didn't know how long he had been sleeping but it felt like forever. Joe looked to the side of him to see the Doctor looking at him.

"Good morning young man." The doctor said smiling.

"Good morning." Joe said weakly he felt so tired. "What day is it?" He asked.

"Its December 17." was the short to the point answer. "Now I have a few questions for you. First off what is your name?"

"Joseph Cartwright." he answered.

"And what, Joseph Cartwright, were you doing wearing hardly any clothes, riding through nowhere, in the middle of winter?"

It took Joe a minute to think of how to answer this question. "I was on my way home," he said, "And I ran into a little trouble."

Dr. Smart could tell by the tone of voice that Joe wasn't going to tell him any more than what he had supplied. "Well it will be at least a couple of weeks until you are back on a horse young man. You'll just have to tough it out here."

Joe nodded, even though he had no intension of following the doctor's orders. He knew if he didn't leave pronto Tim and the gang would catch up to him, they were probably already right on his tail. Joe closed his eyes; Dr. Smart took this a sign to leave.

Although he wouldn't pester him about it, it was driving him crazy to know what had happened to Joe. All the bruised ribs, cuts, burns, and the horrible scars on his back. It was obvious that he had run into more that "a little trouble."

Once the doctor left Joe took action towards his plan. With luck he hoped to be home just in time for Christmas on the Ponderosa. He was going home. Home that sounded so good.

Joe slowly removed the covers noticing for the first time the bandages around his wrists. As he stood up he felt the cold grasp his bare body. He also noticed similar bandages on his ankles and around his stomach which was all bone.

Joe saw how pale his flesh was and took a look around the room for something to wear. He saw a pair of pants and a clean shirt sitting on a chair and went to retrieve them, he could find no boots anywhere but that didn't matter he was use to not wearing shoes. He got dressed glad to be wearing a shirt for the first time in eight years. It felt very uncomfortable but Joe knew he had to wear it or he would freeze.

Holding his ribs Joe climbed out of the window which led to an ally. As soon as he was out in the open he looked around for horse. He assumed that Cochise would be in the livery stable so he made his way towards the building and saw Cochise at once. Joe saddled up and rode off, taking one last look at the small town.

December 25

"Thanks for the books Pa, great choices!" Adam exclaimed as he opened his present.

"Pa I jest love this new winter coat, I sure kin use it!" said Hoss.

"I certainly love the gifts you boys gave." Ben announced, "I was completely surprised. Thank you. Well let's -" Ben was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Wonder who that could be?" Adam thought out loud. "I'll get it." Adam walked over to the door and opened it to see a devilish looking boy standing before him. He appeared to be starved; Adam guessed this from the bones jabbing out of him like sticks. The Boy looked to be about 15 or 16 with curly hair as long as a girls.

"Hello." greeted Adam he had no clue who was standing in front of him. "How can I help you?"

The boy looked at him with eyes full of tears threatening to fall. "Oh Adam!" cried Joe, "Don't you even remember me?"

Adam looked confused. He had no clue that this boy was. "Do I know you?" At this question Joe started crying, falling into his brother. He was hysterical trembling like crazy. Wondering what the commotion was Ben and Hoss made their way to the door. Seeing what was happening they assisted Adam in lying the boy down on the settee.

"Boy, jist look at um Pa." said Hoss as he watched the boy on the couch not recognizing him at all.

"He looks like he must have gone through something awful." said Ben he had noticed the bare feet covered with dirt and scars, also the bandages on his wrists.

Joe had fallen into unconsciousness due to all the pain and sadness he had felt when his own brother couldn't remember him.

"Let's move him into the guest room. Hoss go tell Hop Sing to get some hot water for a bath. Adam you help undress him."

In just a shot amount of time they were washing the grime off of Joe while he slept.

"Pa did you see his back?" Asked Adam. "He must have been in a lot of pain. It's scarred for life from all that whipping."

"I know Adam I had Hoss send for Doc Martin. Adam why was he so upset? What did you say to him?" Ben asked his son.

"All I asked was if I knew him. He knew me but I've never met him before." Adam was still confused with what had gone on between them.

"Look at all this hair! He looks like a girl!" Ben laughed as he washed the long locks of hair. He wouldn't admit it to Adam but Ben enjoyed looking after the boy; he remained him of Little Joe.

"I wonder who he is." Adam wondered. "I don't know son." was Ben's answer. "We'll just have to wait.

The doctor came and examined Joe who was now lying in the guest bed.

"Well I'll tell you," he started to explain to the Cartwrights; "he is in very bad condition. I'm surprised he isn't dead yet. He is practically starved to death; also he has some bruised ribs. The wrists and ankles look like they've already been treated, but not very well, there is still a bit of infection left. I can't even begin to imagine what happened to the poor boy. He should be waking up any minute now. What is his name Ben?"

"We don't know, he acted very upset when Adam said that he didn't know him. None of us have any idea who the boy is. I wonder if he has any parents." Ben asked.

"I have a dad." answered a small voice from behind them.

"Welcome back son! Come join us." Ben said. Paul Martin was about to protest saying that he needed to stay in bed but he too wanted to hear the boy's story.

Joe walked over to the couch and sat down next to Hoss.

"I use to live on a ranch with my Pa and brothers." said Joe as his eyes began to water. All listened closely to his story.

"I loved them so much and they loved me too, even when I made trouble." he said with a smile. Then he stopped not knowing what to say next.

"What happened?" asked Hoss, watching the boy intently there was something about him, but he couldn't but his finger on it.

"One day..." he stopped it was all too much, why didn't his family just recognize him.

"That's ok son take your time? Whets your name?" Ben asked.

Joe didn't know what to say, he wanted so much to just jump into his fathers arms and yell "It's me Pa Joe your son!" On the other hand he didn't know how to tell him, he could see that his father was older and he didn't want to surprise him too much with the news. Maybe he should wait a while and let them figure it out. Yes this was a better answer.

"Joey." he said, he wasn't lying. His name could be Joey if he had chosen that nick name.

"Look Joey." said Ben. "You're welcome to say here with us for as long as you wish."

Adam and Hoss nodded in agreement. It was all settled.

"Ben I need to get going," said Paul breaking the odd silence. "Keep this one in bed, at least for a few days, and nothing too heavy to eat." he said. With that Paul let himself out.

One Week Later

"How do those new clothes fit?" Asked Ben as he looked at Joey sitting in Little Joe's old seat at the dinner table.

"Just fine Mr. Cartwright! Thanks!" Joey looked up at Ben as he played with the cold eggs on his plate.

"Joey you need to eat all of that food. I want you to get your strength back." Ben said with a stern voice. "And hurry up you don't want to be late on your first day at school."

"I already told you Mr. Cartwright I don't need to go to school really!" Ben could hear the plea in Joey's voice.

"Joey you told me that you had stopped going to school when you were about 11 right? So you're going to go back to school and finish your education." Ben said trying to hide a smile. The look on Joey's face was priceless.

Joe new that if he called his horse Cochise it would give him away so he had to rename him. Joe decided to call him Pine, because of all the Ponderosa Pine trees.

"Now go saddle Pine and get off to school." Ben said. He was shocked by Joey's reaction.

"All by myself!" he almost shouted. "No I wont go alone." Ben didn't know what it was about Joey but he hated to be alone no matter where he was going.

"Calm down, it's alright I'll get one of the boys to ride in with you." He turned to his sons. "Hoss I need you to help me with the branding so Adam you can go." Ben stated.

"Sure Pa, lets get going Joey." he said as they both stood up. Ben trusted that Adam would get him all settled in school. "Oh and Adam for heaven sake get him to a barber before you go to the school house, I don't want him looking like a riverboat gambler on his first day!" Adam laughed as he walked out of the house.

The haircut went ok, Joe had hated every second of it but somehow he lived. Adam agreed to let him keep some of his curls. With his hair cut it made him look even younger.

Next they made their way to the school house.

"Miss. Jones, this is Joey, he's been staying with us." Adam said, " He left school when he was about 11 so that's his education level."

Miss Jones smiled at Joey. "And how old are you?" she asked him.

Joe though a second then frowned. He pulled Adam down to whisper something to him. "What year is it?" he asked. After doing the math Joe was surprised to find he was 18! "I'm 15 Miss. Jones." he answered finally.

"Alright Joey why don't you take a seat next to Tim." Miss Jones smiled again.

"No! Not Tim never I'm never seeing that man again! NO!" Joe yelled as he ran from the school house.

Again Adam was lost. What was this sudden outburst about. Some guy named Tim? Adam quickly followed Joey and caught up to him before he got to his horse.

"Joey what is it?" He asked as Joe sobbed in his brother's shoulder. Then he suddenly stopped rubbed the tears from his face and smiled. "I'm fine." he lied.

"Come on I know you aren't. Do you want to talk about it? Was Tim the man who did that to your back?" Adam asked.

At Adams last question Joe jerked his head to look at his brother." When did you see my back?" he asked defensively, almost scarred.

"When you first came to the Ponderosa we had to clean you, those are some pretty bad scars. You wanna talk?" Adam asked.

"I can't." was Joe's short reply. "Okay. But if you ever change your made we're all here for you."

After a minute of sitting there Joe spoke. "He did it daily. He said I deserved it, I was stubborn and I would never do what he asked. He told me he had to keep me in line so I wouldn't grow up and murder anyone like my Pa did. He was lying though my Pa never killed anyone."

Adam was shocked. This boy had gone through so much pain and hate. They sat there for a few more minutes.

"You ready to go back in Joey?" asked Adam.

"Ya, I just hope I didn't scare um too bad!" Joe said with a small smile.

The door slammed and in trudged Joey.

"How was your first day Joey!" asked Ben with a smile.

"Horrible." was his answer as he handed Ben a note.

Ben frowned. "A note on your first day, you remind me so much of young..." his voice broke off.

"Who do I remind you of?" Joe asked with hope.

"No body." said Ben, it was too much for him to talk about Joe.

"We'll lets see what you've done." said Ben as he opened the note and read it quickly.

"Joey I am very disappointed in you. You cheated on a test! That is very low." Ben almost shouted, then lowered his voice as he saw the sad boy before him and calmed down. "Is this what really happened.?"

"No." said Joe.

"Okay what do you have to say about it?" Ben asked waiting for a reply from Joey.

"Miss Jones put me on the right side of the table and I kept on bumping my arm into Tom's not purposely or anything. So I told him I was sorry, and Miss Jones said I was cheating."

"Is this what really happened?" Ben asked sincerely he believed Joey.

"Yes Pa." Joe answered. Then realized his mistake. "I'm sorry Mr. Cartwright, Sir. I didn't' mean to it just slipped.

It warmed Ben's heart that Joey was so close to him that he considered him his father.

"Joey, if it makes you feel better to call me Pa you can." Ben said with a smile.

Joe's face lit up, he was making progress with his father. "Really!" he asked a hint of excitement in his voice.

Ben laughed "Sure son." he loved Joey and believed that he filled a gap in his heart.

Two weeks later

"Adam I want you to take Joey into town with you today. It seems he is having a growth spurt and need some new clothes that will fit him." Ben smiled and looked at Joey who's shirt sleeves barely reached his wrist which were still badly scarred from the chains.

"Sure Pa. Your growing Little Buddy!" Adam said as he patted Joe on the hand, but by accident he patted the sore wrist. Joe cried out in pain.

"Sorry Joey I didn't mean to hurt you. Are those wrists still bothering you?" Adam asked deeply conserved. It had been a while since those had been checked.

"Adam why don't you also take him to see Doc Martin." Ben said with concern in his voice.

"Sure Pa."

"Ah I don't need to see no Doctor!" Joe complained.

"You don't need to see a Doctor." Ben corrected.

"Exactly Pa! I'm fine doing worry." Joe protested.

"Joey your seeing the Doctor and that's that." Ben said.

"Ya we're just worried bout you Little Joe." Hoss backed up his father not realizing what he'd said.

"What did you call me?" Joe asked with a smile. It was his old nickname! Hoss was coming out.

"Oh sorry Joey, I didn't mean to." Hoss said looking at his father, who was staring down at his plate.

"No it's fine, if it's ok with you guys I actually like that name. I'd like it if you called me that." Joe hoped he wasn't pushing it too far, but then his father looked up and smiled at him.

"Okay Little Joe." Ben said.

Hoss and Adam cast each other glances, it had seemed as though this Joey kid was winning his fathers heart over. It was as if Joey had replaced Little Joe. They couldn't say that they didn't mind though. They had taken a quick liking to Joey he completed their hearts.

Hoss still felt there was something that Joey wasn't tell them, something he wanted to know.

"Hello Paul." Adam greeted the doctor as he dragged Little Joe into the office.

"Hello Adam, I would have expected this to be a social call but seeing as Joey is here I can tell I'm wrong." Dr. Martin said with a laugh.

"What can I help you boys with?" he asked.

"Well it seems as if Little Joe's wrists have started to bother him again." said Adam as he picked up Joe's wrist. Joe made a face covering up a cry.

"I'm fine." he said.

"This wrist isn't." stated Paul with concern come over and sit down.

After examining Joe's wrists Adam and Doc Martin left Joe to discuss the condition.

"Adam it appears that there are pieces of rusted metal irritating and infected the skin. Don't ask me how they got there!" Paul said.

"What can you do about it?" Adam asked a touch of anger in his voice.

"Well I don't know I could try to dig them out, or I could amputate before infection spreads." Paul tried to stay calm about it.

"Alright take out the metal, but I don't want him in pain. Could you give him something to sleep?" Adam asked.

Paul gave a weak smile, "Anything you say I'll go prepare."

"I'm just going to go talk to him." Adam said as he started for the room Joe was in.

"Hey Little Joe?"

"Ya Adam. What is it?"

"How did that metal get into your wrists?" Adam wasn't going to let him give him a generic answer.

"Gee I don't know." Joe lied.

"Yes you do now answer my question." Adam asked staying calm.

Joe took a deep breath he knew he would have to tell sometime, might as well be now. " From chains."

Again Adam was shocked." Chains?" he practically shouted. "Why were you wearing chains?"

"Tim." Joe answered his head hanging low.

"And just who does this Tim think he is?" Adam asked he just wanted to Little Joe to tell him what his story was, but he couldn't force him to.

"He wanted revenge on my Dad." Joe answered. When could he tell them what had happened! When would then understand he was alive it was him! Joe Cartwright.

"Little Joe, I've been thinking. I need both Adam and Hoss today do you think you could stay home by your self?" Ben asked fearing what the answer might be.

"Can I go with you?" Joe asked, it sounded childish but he didn't want to give Tim a chance to take him again.

"No your wrists are still too bad to do ride. Hop Sing will be here you can stay with him." Ben offered.

Joe enjoyed Hop Sings Company but somehow he just didn't feel safe when one of his family wasn't with him.

"I just can't be alone." Joe said his head hanging.

"Is it because your afraid of Tim coming?" Ben asked.

Joe was startled. "Adam! You told Pa!" that was the first time Joe had called him Pa in front of his brothers.

"Sorry. You told Mr. Cartwright?" Joe tried to cover for his mistake.

Now it was Adam's turn to be surprised. He looked at his father, who answered, "I told Little Joe he could call me his Pa if it made him feel more comfortable." Ben explained.

"Well that's nice." Said Hoss.

Joe felt this was perfect time to whip out his plan.

"Pa someone at school told me you had a son named Joe. Did he move away or something." Joey asked looking very innocent.

There was a long silence. Ben knew he would have to talk sooner or later. "Joe was my youngest son. When he was about ten years old he went missing." There was another silence. "You remind me a lot of him." said Ben with a smile.

Suddenly Ben stood up. "Come on boys, Little Joe. I'll take you to his grave." Ben started walking to the door quickly to avoid having the boys see his tears.

Hoss and Adam looked at each other and then their father. He hadn't gone to Joe's grave since the funeral. Why now? They stood up and followed their father followed by Joe.

The four Cartwrights rode out to the spot by the lake. This is where I...he was buried?" Joe asked as the approached two tomb stones. One was his mothers Marie. The other was his,

Joseph Francis Cartwright

Full of life and laughs

Remembered with Love

Son and Brother

It was almost too much for the group to handle. Joe realized that it was now the time to tell them.

"Pa, Adam, Hoss, I have a confession to make I-" but Joe could get no further.

"Hello Joey." came a cold voice from behind. The Cartwrights all turned around to face an evil looking man.

"Why don't you just slide your guns right over here." he said as watched them. "And no tricky business." he said as he pointed his gun at the group.

"Tim." said Joe coldly.

"Yup I caught up with ya you brat! I thought you would've died in that snow but I quests your just too dang stubborn to give up. Ah Mr. Ben Cartwright, and how are you? Still out killing innocent people?" Tim sneered.

"I don't know you or what your talking about." Ben said calmly.

"I think you know me, you killed my brothers a while back left me all alone fending for myself. You ruined my life. I have to ruin yours now, that's what I've been doing for the past eight years, now its time to finish the job I started." Tim laughed.

"I don't know what you mean." Ben stated.

"I'm the one who took that brat of yours. Little Joe, tortured him for eight years and now it's time to kill him." He laughed again focusing the gun.

"What do you mean Joe is already dead." Ben said confused.

A shot rang out.

"Nope, but he is now." Laughed Tim, then suddenly stopped as another shot was fired.

Tim was dead, Sheriff Coffee jogged up to the gathering.

"I was out to visit you when I heard the ruckus, I been lookin for this one for a long time." Coffee explained.

They all ran over to Joe who was lying on the ground clutching his stomach.

"Pa I'm so sorry I didn't tell you sooner, I was scarred, mad, and just confused. I love you." Joe said softly.

"Oh my baby!" Ben cried as he cradled Joe's head. "I missed you so much I looked for so long? Where did you go! Why!" Ben was heavily sobbing with mixed emotions.

Hoss and Adam knelt next to their dying brother. All these years wasted. Hoss was bawling like a baby and even Adam was in tears the Sheriff felt like he was intruding a bit so decided to take Tim Withers into town.

"Son don't worry, we'll get the doctor." Ben said, mostly to comfort himself.

"It's no use Pa, I'm finally gonna meet my Ma, after all these years." Joe tried to smile.

"No! No she can wait stay with me Joe I need you. I need you!" Ben was hysterical. Joe his baby that he had hardly known, dying in his arms.

"Pa listen to me, you gotta keep living. Make me proud I don't wanna see you using my death as an escape Pa, you still got a life a head of you. You too Hoss and Adam," he said as he turned his head to see his brothers crying. He cried out in pain.

"I'm eighteen Pa, a man. I finally grew up." he said trying to lighten the mood. "Pa..."

He panted heavily, "I love you." Joe said, leaving his brothers and father crying.

The funeral had been most depressing, no matter how hard the Cartwright's tried they couldn't control there emotions with Joe gone it didn't even matter at all. Lost and then found only to be lost again. The Cartwrights returned home full of sorrow. The casket had claimed it's body.

30 years later

Adam walked up the stairs and stood in front of Joe's room. He knocked on the door, then entered. "Joseph wake up now!" Adam said.

Hearing his fathers voice Little Joe woke up and rubbed his sleepy eyes.

"Mornin Pa" he said sleepily as he got out of bed, he knew not to mess with his father in the mornings.

"I'm waiting here until your ready." said Adam as he sat down on his son's bed. " Eric and Ben are already out working." he said.

"Brush that mop on your head, you are defiantly getting a haircut today young man." Adam said as he crossed his arms.

"Ah Pa it's my hair." Joe complained. As he pulled his brush from under his nightstand.

"What is your brush doing down there?" asked Adam, he liked his boys to keep there rooms in order.

"I put all the junk I hate down there." confessed Joe with a shrug.

"Oh really?" said Adam as he stood up, he knelt down to see what other "junk" was under there. He pulled out a few books.

"Son! Books are not junk!" Adam stated as he set the books down on the bed.

He pulled out an old shirt and a bottle of whiskey. "What is this doing down here!" Adam shouted. Joe looked away.

"Gee I don't know?" He lied.

"We'll deal with this later!" Adam stormed. Every thing was out from under the night stand. Adam just reached under one last time to grab a piece of a garbage envelope.

But it wasn't a piece of garbage. Adam looked at the unopened letter. It was addressed:

To Pa, Adam, and Hoss

It was from Joe! Impatiently Adam tore it open.

"Who's it from Pa?" asked Joe.

"No body Joe, go eat your breakfast." Adam ordered.

Joe left the room and Adam began to read.

Pa, Adam, Hoss,

I just wanted to write this note incase I die before I get the chance to tell you. I thought of escaping from that prison everyday I was there. I thought about you all the time. Yes even you Adam, you Granite Yankee Head! I love you with all my heart. I know it must have been hard for to accept me as dead and gone.

Adam had to stop reading for awhile to clear his tear filled eyes.

I regret not getting away sooner, my teenage years were horrible, but don't feel bad, I'm sure you were going through pain as well. I am glad that you came to cope with me being "dead" for those eight years. I really wanted to tell you all of this but at the same time I just wanted you to know it was me. I guess I just expected a little much from you, and I'm sorry for that. Pa I am especially sorry to you, I must worried you sick. That's just like me though always making people worry about me and make a fuss over me. Just know that I love you. I hope you can forget about all the pain and just remember the good times. That's what I want to be remembered by, even though they might have been few, remember me the way I was.

Sincerely,

Joe Cartwright


End file.
